If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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