If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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