Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
