I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
