That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
