I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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