Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
