Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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