I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
