I met the friendliest cop last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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