I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
