i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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