Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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