I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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