he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
