I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
