It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
