oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize