we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
