Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
