Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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