everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
