STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
