We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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