too bad you live with your parents still
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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