Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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