yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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