so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
