you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
