Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
