Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
