this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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