If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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