I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
