I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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