there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
