Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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