come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
