you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
