If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I made him laugh his dick is mine
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
