currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
