My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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