Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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