This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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