just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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