No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
