You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
