hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
