remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
