you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
