Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
