There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
