Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
