She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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