how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
