I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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