What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
