is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize