I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
