just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
