your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There r osticjed everywhere
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
