we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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