The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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