but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
