"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
