She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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