currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
